The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant. You have an outrageous personality... And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down. Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance. You need to feel special at all times. You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

recurring dawn

sigh~
i realise that my English is not perfect, try as i may to improve, i fall back flat on my fanny... compared to my fellow coursemates, i'm still back there, frantically trying to claw my way to the front... compared to Nour El-Qalby, i'm light-years behind... humbled and grounded...

sigh~
i want to have the control over words like them, bend it, order it around, let the words express my deepest emotions... but the more i try, the more i fall short of it... maybe the way of the words is not meant for a savage like me... but i just can't let it go....

sigh~
i may look obnoxious and bold and confident and loud... but says who, it is not just a facade, a mask i wear to cover the sensitive, vulnerable me... English had always provided me, a haven that i can be in when i'm down... had always been my protective layer... had always been a front that i used to face the evil and cruel world... it makes me feel good about myself...

sigh~
i'm not a pretentious s.o.a.b****, a "mat salleh celup", a western "barua", and God forbid an infidel... is it wrong for me to use the only weapon that i have to face their antics... the only thing that i know will make them feel inferior... i'm not trying to elevate myself but is merely trying to protect....

An end... but not quite!

Just leave but never forget
This story ain't finishing yet
Cos nothing had yet been set
Our heart had only just met

To promise eternity, too tall
To be silent, i might fall
Striving still to find my call
'fraid still to give my all

Ambitions soaring high
Helplessly flailing in the sky
Hope not to fall and die
So all i can do is cry, and cry, and cry

crappophobicle!

Today, a thought strikes me... Well, kinda... If people had known what to expect from life... What will they do? Will they change anything? More important, will they change themselves? Be someone new just so they can save something...

Weird, just weird...

*information*

Rona Lidsa is a name that i cooked up just for the sake of it... so any poems bearing that mark in this blog is mine... LOL! Any questions or suggestions can be left on the comment section or mailed to me... it will be entertained when i get the chance... TOODLES!

A Shack in a Vast Green Field

Whisper the air to me,
"Each and everyday I blew,
And lull you slowly til you're through".
Reach deep to hold and not let it be,
Yearns to stand but I already am .....

31st August '08
*In a 'bas tambahan' on the
way back to Penang for the
first day of Ramadhan.

14/07/08

Here i am, standing

On this fragile glass

Painting a view, serene

In its splendor. Offering

Neverending support. I must

Gather by every means.

16/07/08

Write me a sonnet or two

And sweep me with the rhymes

Reaching deep, holding true

Mystify me till the end of time!!

16/07/08

I sat and stared and wandered

Lonely into oblivion

Voices and faces flickered

Leaving behind, retribution.

But cared not

Affected not.

23/07/08

Whisper, whisper, whisper,

Whisper, whisper, whisper,

Whisper, whisper, whisper.

The wind breathing easily.

I whisper.

23/07/08

Bisik, bisik, bisik,

Bisik, bisik, bisik,

Bisik, bisik, bisik.

Angin bertiup senang.

Bisikku

23/07/08

Sing my angel a song,

Include me in your rhyme.

Lift me up, let me fly.

Enclosed me within, among

Neverending lovers in time.

Cause i'll fall if alone i try.

Every thoughts i had sequenced.

Daringly i wanted to shout, but i am...

01/08/08

Sedang ku jatuh ke bawah

Ku lihat ke atas

Biru, bersih hamparan langit

Tenang, menenangkan.

Sedang ku jatuh ke bawah

Ku lihat ke atas

Kawanan burung meluncur girang

Bebas, membebaskan.

Sedang ku jatuh ke bawah

Ku lihat ke atas

Menuju akhir, terlambat sudah

Sedarku, tangisku.

20/08/08

Jerit, jerit, jerit!

Jerit, jerit, jerit!

Jerit hatiku yang bisu

Gundah dalaman yang bercelaru

Tepu

Haru

Jerit, jerit, jerit!

Jerit, jerit, jerit!

Jeritan insani

Minta didengari

Jerit!

-Disebalik senyum yang dilakar-

Disebalik senyum yang dilakar
Riang dan girang
Disebalik senyum yang dilakar
Sendu dan sayu

-Rona Lidsa-



-Sepi itu yang membingitkan-

Sepi itu yang membingitkan
Riuh itu yang menenangkan
Sepi, riuh, riuh, sepi

Sepi, riuh, riuh, sepi
Riuh itu yang menghidupkan
Sepi itu yang mematikan

-Rona Lidsa-



-Pemergian itu satu peringatan-

Pemergian itu satu peringatan
Kepada mereka mereka
Kepada mereka mereka
Yang mahu mengetahui
Yang sedar

-Rona Lidsa-



-Senyum tawa riang gembira-

Senyum tawa riang gembira
Kosong tanpa makna
Lohong tanpa erti
Jika engkau belum lagi
Memerdekakan diri

-Rona Lidsa-



-Lantaran kedhaifan-

Lantaran kedhaifan
Lantaran kecetekan
Berlakunya kesesatan
Belajar, belajar
Belajar dari sesatmu itu

-Rona Lidsa-



-Dedaun yang melambai-

Dedaun yang melambai
Memanggilku pergi
Tinggal dunia ini
Realiti tiada erti
Sekadar memori
Silih berganti

Angin yang membisik
Kata-kata dusta yang permai
Mimpi-mimpi kosong yang damai
Lembut dan syahdu membelai
Sepanjang susuran denai
Tiada nilai

-Rona Lidsa-



-Bisik, bisik, bisik-

Bisik, bisik, bisik
Bisik, bisik, bisik
Ombak yang bisu
Bisikku

-Rona Lidsa-



-Katakan sahaja semua-

Katakan sahaja semua
Bebas dari belenggu
Yang merantai jiwa
Tepu dan dungu

-Rona Lidsa-

-Tidak perlu-
Tidak perlu kau bertanya arahku
Kerana ku yakin jawapannya ada padamu
Tidak perlu kau merasa risau
Walaupun aku jauh dirantau



-Jasadku disini-
Jasadku disini
Rohku yang pergi
Tinggallah jasad tetap sendiri
Kaku, kayu, tiada mengerti

Merayau sajalah wahai rohku
Walau tak pasti arah dan tuju
Walau jauh beribu batu
Pergilah pergi ke jalan baru

Namun jangan lupa tuk kembali
Siapalah jasad tanpamu
Jangan sesekali dianggap musuh hakiki
Kerna jasad tidaklah tahu
August 18, 03
AD 105



-Cinta-
Apakah ini yang dinamakan cinta?
Mengapa hadirnya tiada disangka?
Mengapa wujudnya tiba- tiba?
Sekali ia datang, mengubah pantai jiwa
Sekali ia datang, mengubah haluan hati

Adakah penting hadirnya cinta?
Atau hanya mengundang bencana
Apa perlu kulayan semua?
Atau perlu kubiarkan berlalu cuma

Bencinya aku perasaan ini
Datangnya ia tiada diundang
Perginya ia mengundang hiba
Mengapa? Oh mengapa?

Cinta mengapa kau datang kini
Di saat ku tidak memerlukanmu
Di saat ku ingin bersendiri
Engkau datang kembali
Pergi, pergi dan jangan kembali
August 4, 03
SM 4.13



-I'm travelling-
I'm travelling
In this space of time
I'm travelling
To a destiny of mine
Sept 27, 03
Hentian Duta




-Loud night, silent heart-
Loud night, silent heart
Dark eyes, bright images
I'm alone yet i am accompanied

Long is the darkness
Dawn is not hasty
Loud night, silent heart

Loud night, silent heart
Black and white
I whisper yet i scream

Time lay still
I grow weary
Loud night, silent heart
February 25, 07
0153
MDB's Bazaar



-YOU-
Sun shining, moon blossoming
Stars directing,
Rain nourishing, wind comforting
Earth supporting,
Fire warming, ice cooling
Nature inspiring.

The summary of it all
Someone deeply respected and loved
YOU

Sing my little angel a song

Wake me up from these dreams

From a state that i've been in for so long

Calms me before i scream

Play my little angel a tune

Sooth me with your charming harmony

Save me from this dune

Before i turn to blasphemy

give me love to be cherished,

then i'll give you all of me.

give me love to be flourished,

then surely yours are the whole of me.

written in AX 101

somewhere in 2003(i think)

November 04, 2004

In this new dimension we stand,

Holding ourselves onto walls of fading memories,

Where we cling desperately in search of hope.

Often deceived are we on this land,

Lost our footing amidst the deception of bliss,

Marveled to oneself while entangled by a rope.

November 01, 2004

BEHOLD.

Behold of your own arrival,

Which is expectedly unexpected,

Which mark neither the end nor the beginning.

WAIT.

Wait for yourself to reassemble,

Which defines nothing at all,

Which can show neither nothing nor something.

LAY.

Lay down your body,

Which looks weary and all,

Which can be defined as fragile or needing care.

October 23, 2004

welcome,

welcome to a journey that fixes you,

welcome to a journey that fakes you,

welcome to a journey that overwhelmed your existence.

let the sun, the moon and the stars guide you through,

let them mesmerises you till you are lost,

let them deny your existence.

goodbye.