sigh~
i realise that my English is not perfect, try as i may to improve, i fall back flat on my fanny... compared to my fellow coursemates, i'm still back there, frantically trying to claw my way to the front... compared to Nour El-Qalby, i'm light-years behind... humbled and grounded...
sigh~
i want to have the control over words like them, bend it, order it around, let the words express my deepest emotions... but the more i try, the more i fall short of it... maybe the way of the words is not meant for a savage like me... but i just can't let it go....
sigh~
i may look obnoxious and bold and confident and loud... but says who, it is not just a facade, a mask i wear to cover the sensitive, vulnerable me... English had always provided me, a haven that i can be in when i'm down... had always been my protective layer... had always been a front that i used to face the evil and cruel world... it makes me feel good about myself...
sigh~
i'm not a pretentious s.o.a.b****, a "mat salleh celup", a western "barua", and God forbid an infidel... is it wrong for me to use the only weapon that i have to face their antics... the only thing that i know will make them feel inferior... i'm not trying to elevate myself but is merely trying to protect....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment