recurring dawn

sigh~
i realise that my English is not perfect, try as i may to improve, i fall back flat on my fanny... compared to my fellow coursemates, i'm still back there, frantically trying to claw my way to the front... compared to Nour El-Qalby, i'm light-years behind... humbled and grounded...

sigh~
i want to have the control over words like them, bend it, order it around, let the words express my deepest emotions... but the more i try, the more i fall short of it... maybe the way of the words is not meant for a savage like me... but i just can't let it go....

sigh~
i may look obnoxious and bold and confident and loud... but says who, it is not just a facade, a mask i wear to cover the sensitive, vulnerable me... English had always provided me, a haven that i can be in when i'm down... had always been my protective layer... had always been a front that i used to face the evil and cruel world... it makes me feel good about myself...

sigh~
i'm not a pretentious s.o.a.b****, a "mat salleh celup", a western "barua", and God forbid an infidel... is it wrong for me to use the only weapon that i have to face their antics... the only thing that i know will make them feel inferior... i'm not trying to elevate myself but is merely trying to protect....

An end... but not quite!

Just leave but never forget
This story ain't finishing yet
Cos nothing had yet been set
Our heart had only just met

To promise eternity, too tall
To be silent, i might fall
Striving still to find my call
'fraid still to give my all

Ambitions soaring high
Helplessly flailing in the sky
Hope not to fall and die
So all i can do is cry, and cry, and cry

crappophobicle!

Today, a thought strikes me... Well, kinda... If people had known what to expect from life... What will they do? Will they change anything? More important, will they change themselves? Be someone new just so they can save something...

Weird, just weird...